I am back.......maybe now with different experiences, different stories, different location and maybe with a different mind set........Things have changed..... I have moved to Nigeria, Lagos....joined a new company...was this move a good one.. i dont know.. still looking for answers.. but one thing still comforts me that whatever has happened in my life has happened for good and i keep on believing this fact..... however this can be a way of comforting myself so as to not to fall back and crib about shifting my ass to Nigeria...Lets not crib about it..now that I am here lets deal with this damned places...I have been in worse situations and how worse this can be....maybe I will get killed... nothing more than that...who gives a Fuck about it...........everyone has to die some day...........if u r destined to die nobody can stop u..destiny will bring u that place.........lets talk about this place.....its a nice place..my first impression has already diluted because of too much involvement with Indians out here and listening to them had made me form an opinion rather than experiencing myself and put forward my analysis of this damned place. However i will try to conjure up certain sentences which might depict my exact feelings for this place and this country........ I will be honest in  my efforts to give a first hand experience and impression of this place... lemme start from the moment i landed......the final jerk with which the plane came to a stand still instilled a very strange feeling in my mind and heart..... i was there in Nigeria.. the place i chose to be ..the place i wanted to come all this time, and i have reached.......it looked no different from above...as i walked slowly towards the exit, i met the first man who was looking out for me... he was tall, black and  what more, he was not violent or dangerous.......thats what everybody told me... they are really nice people here except for some locos who thinks gun slinging and extorting us for money is their only livelihood...anyways more about them later........the infrastructure here sucks......really if u have to get something done here today- WAIT till tomorrow........jus dont bother........they will do it tomorrow...yes this people are lazy..thats why it took us 2 hrs to clear immigration........ moreover the infrastructure of the international airport is worse than our ration shops in India...........however after managing to extract my luggage i walked out of the airport and i was amazed.........there were so many Nigerians....obviously i mean something else...but something more perplexed me...the cars......mitsubishi, volkswagen, peugeot,honda, toyota and what not........ and i thought this was a third World country ....this people drive around in cars we see in magazine........( later came to know that this is the biggest dump ground for second hand cars so i can see people showcasing all the european brands with such ease......)... and after waiting for half hour my dear friend Binay appeared..... the mastermind behind my arrival in Nigeria, the one who got me through and helped me securing this job in Nigeria( still on dual mind whether to be thankful to him for my whole life or to ......................) the answer is yet to  come........so wait Binay......... I will get back to you in due time........just give me some time........however i reached my old crib which i have already left... it was a nice place......all the way to my crib in Apapa, 3B Lisabi road, i watched the city in utter dismay...it looked somewhat similar to kolkata only that it looked like Kolkata on a bandh day..very few people on the road.........sundays are lazy here...people are less on the streets.......oh i forgot to mention that i landed here on 15th August, 2010..... after i reached home i took a quick shower and went out shopping......Binay loaned me 5000 naira....for a moment one would think that it is lot of money.........but i ended on spending 4830 Naira and what i got is few toiletries, biscuits, bread and egg............. can u believe it....let me give u an overview of the pricing policy here........whatever is priced in India for 100 rs, you will get it here for 750 to 900 naira. ie Naira is 3 times Indian currency and itens here are 2.5 - 3 times costly than in India. let me give some examples..like one egg is of 10 rs, one apple for 20 rs, one kilo onion for 80 rs.........do u wanna more...i guess not........ i also dont want......it is really painful to pay so dearly for stuffs like that.......... but people are really helpful here and they respect you a lot.........they wanna be greeted and they will greet you all the times whenever there is a eye contact with a GM, GD,GA or GN...............everytime.......... one more thing you are bound to become lazy if you stay here for long...your maid will cook, clean, wash and do all the household work and your driver will carry even your tiffin basket to your office .......... all you have to do is get out of the car and walk in.....other things will be taken care of............ signing off......will be back with more.............

Nothing Official About it..................

At last the jinx broke....i flew to Vizag(official trip though) but as i said there was nothing official about it......as usual after my night out on Saturday which ended on 1 am in the morning I was left with three hours of good sleep before i leave for my official trip....As usual the night out took a toll on me and i dragged my sorry butt to  the airport late as usual with everybody waiting for me as i had the e tickets.......felt important for that moment as i have successfully held up the AGM of a Bank.......i tried to bring myself back to senses but the coffee in the airport didn't help......They dont even serve good coffee nowadays..... but something else did...... as i boarded the 50 sitter i was greeted with the plastic smile but the plastic smile had something in it and i was back on track........it worked wonders..it kept me awake for the rest of the flight....many a times i had the urge to ask for assistance and the red button allured me  to do so, I restricted myself from doing so........ Anyways i plugged my i pod in my ears and concentrated on the songs as my colleague was continuously bickering about something..... i was bored..........at last i could see the sea and i know i was there......the beautiful city VIZAG.............the hills, the sea and the city everything so perfect.......an Utopian Dream.... the city is so beautiful that i cant describe....the 50 sitter landed into the small airport and it took us ten minutes to get out the airport...small airport indeed.......bid those plastic smiles good bye as i set out for our journey to the factory in the outskirts of vizag.....a city enveloped by hills and water......the whole city is carved out from the hills and the process is still on....we reached the factory........let me cut the chase and bring myself to a point where i would like to talk more about the myself than about the nuances of this whole trip........
i got few moments to walk into the beach and though it was for a few minutes i felt good.....the salty smell, the soothing breeze, the roaring waves infused life into me.....i was elated.....overjoyed that my desires come true in a very uncanny way........what was supposed to be an official trip turned out to something else....a taste of freedom....those few moments i would cherish for my lifetime....... as the 50 sitter jerked off from the runaway i fell asleep .........my body too tired of the hectic schedule but I slept like a baby after a long time....with no regrets, no pain, no grudges............... I was at peace with myself AT LAST.........

I've been living with a shadow overhead

I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed

I've been lonely for so long

Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away

Just in case I ever need them again someday

I've been setting aside time

To clear a little space in the corners of my mind

All I want to do is find a way back into love

I can't make it through without a way back into love

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine

I've been searching but I just don't see the signs

I know that it's out there

There's got to be something for my soul somewhere

I've been looking for someone to shed some light

Not somebody just to get me through the night

I could use some direction

And I'm open to your suggestions

All I want to do is find a way back into love

I can't make it through without a way back into love

And if I open my heart again

I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end

There are moments when I don't know if it's real

Or if anybody feels the way I feel

I need inspiration

Not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love

I can't make it through without a way back into love

And if I open my heart to you

I'm hoping you'll show me what to do

And if you help me to start again

You know that I'll be there for you in the end

Heartbreak Warfare.................

Lightning strikes
Inside, my chest to keep me up at night
Dream of ways
To make you understand my pain

Clouds of sulfur in the air
Bombs are falling everywhere
It's heartbreak warfare
Once you want it to begin,
No one really ever wins
In heartbreak warfare

If you want more love,
why don't you say so?
If you want more love,
why don't you say so?

Drop his name
Push it in and twist the knife again
Watch my face
As I pretend to feel no pain

A wElCoMe BrEaK...........

I am going to Vizag this Sunday- a welcome break, a time to unwind myself and yet repair myself, maybe this is what i wanted, away from the maddening crowd, the same hustle bustle, the same monotonous life....official purpose though but i have plans to make this trip memorable.......even a break of this kind is acceptable.....away from the standard Sunday routine of going to play watching HIMYM and then meeting up friends for bowling or movie or watching match at a friends place and then coming back to home to have dinner with my parents(how much i love them i cant express, they are everything to me). Even though i don't give them much time they never complain and they never say anything about me wandering around like a vagabond during Sunday........they never have stopped me from anything because they trust me a lot.....we are planning a trip to digha or mandarmoni soon and i am looking forward to it......... 

LOVE...............

"..use sapne dekhna pasand hai..mujhe sapne me wo.... ........use barish pasand hai...mujhe barish me bhigti wo.... ......use hasna pasand hai....mujhe hasti hui wo......use chup rahna pasand hai .....mujhe bolti hui wo....... use mai kabhi pasand nahi aaya....or mujhe pasand hai to sirf wo........."

Complete shutdown:

There are times in your life where you need to shut yourself off from certain people in order to find out some answers.......I guess I am going through that phase.....presently I  am not interacting with anybody except for official purpose...... though i feel the urge to express myself i am unable to do so and for this i have resorted to blogging my thoughts.......life's complicated and yet it looks so simple.......No body knows what lies beneath the facade of every face........

sAd....Serious........why??????????Let me put a smile on your face.........

I guess the title seems a little bit murky ...... but cant depict the frown in my face in a better way than this...i am little bit sad with the things going around me.....things are neither well at the office front nor the social front is showing any improvement.....

Day after day 

Love turns gray 

Like the skin on the dying man 

And night after night 

We pretend it's all right 

But I have grown older 

And you have grown colder 

And nothing is very much fun, anymore 

And I can feel 

One of all my turns coming on 

I feel 

Cold as a razor blade 

Tight as a tourniquet 

Dry as a funeral drum 

Everything seems so bleak and distant..........i am unable to express myself anymore.......i might end up hurting others feelings which i guess i have already done.......i wanted to avoid that.....BUT couldn't..........

i guess i am the joker with a smile painted in his face with bitterness in his heart.........

Phased out...........................

today something strange happened and i can find a logical explanation for this.....i was standing inside the metro listening to a song waiting for my usual stop.....it so happened that i closed my eyes and was as usual procrastinating....then the unusual happened.......i was pulled into a different realm.......this chain of thoughts started pulling me into another world and i totally lost control over myself......... i passed out for about 90 seconds though i was standing steadily there.....suddenly the chain broke and i was back and i completely forgot what i was thinking.....quite strange phenomenon...still searching for an explanation..........

Hello?
Is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can hear me.
Is there anyone home?
Come on, Come on, Come on, now,
I hear you're feeling down.
Well, I can ease your pain
Get you on your feet again.
Relax.
I'll need some information first.
Just the basic facts.
Can you show me where it hurts?

May day .......mAy dAy.........

1st may........supposedly a holiday but i am sitting in the office infront of this laptop typing this blog......my sudden change of plans backfired and i ended up here......it is all because of my moron friend who at the last moment changed the plan and we have to postpone the plan..mark my words.....it is postponed and not cancelled..... the beach still eludes me and i will be going there by any means possible.......provided i have the guts to do something stupid......

Staring out into the world across the street

You hate the way your life turned out to be

He's pulling up in the driveway and you don't make a sound

Cause you always learn to hold the things you want to say

Your always going to be afraid

There's only hate
There's only tears
There's only pain
There is no love here
Oh so what will you do?
There's only lies
There's only fears
There's only pain
There is no love here

i don't know why i love this song but recently i have started loving this song..........its so true and i can so relate it with my life and the second paragraph is even better than the first one.........how come some songs tend to say your story...............

Broken down like a mirror smashed to pieces

You learned the hard way to shut your mouth and smile

If these walls could talk they would have so much to say

Cause every time you fight the scars are gonna heal but there never gonna go away

a sudden change in plans.........

I am just bored with this monotony in my life...office to home n home to office and between this my silent prayer to achieve a balance in my life.... presently i am completely feeling out of place...have lost all sense of direction and control in my life.....singing songs like dil kyun mera shor kare....idhar nahi udhar nahi teri or chale ......... a song from kites.......yet i dont know where to go.....so at last i decided to go to digha....dont know whether this trip will be successful or not but keeping my fingers crossed for the time being... i jus want some time to myself..need to sort things out.....too much emotional atyachar has paralyzed my brain and heart to take any right decision....right now i am just wandering looking for an answer, a solution which will guide me through this turmoil.....quite puzzled......
P.S: the title is not appropriate with the content

i guess i was wrong that day regarding the "tapmatra" of kolkata. the way the mercury dropped its just a matter of time before we had to pullout all those packed sweaters out of the closet and wear it back again to office. actually nobody expected this sudden change of temper of mother nature.so previously while we pined for the air conditioners to run in our office few days back we now detest looking at them even.

16degree Celsius......probably the only day of this season when i felt like winter has made its presence in the heart of kolkata. its so awkward that suddenly at the end of this winter you feel such chilling cold that too in the city.......however it forced in a bad habit that i am trying to get rid of...smoking as i say......recently i have heard about lot of deaths due to cancer and it has forced me reconcile my ways of living..amend my lifestyle..and i am trying hard to do so.though old habits die hard i am making a valiant effort to get rid of this bad habit and in a process asking few of my friends to do so...........most of my friends are however astonished with my change of heart towards smoking......me too.....i am sitting in my desk trying to prioritize my to do list for the day....i could see task lined up in my side bar of which few are only ticked as completed .rest are just staring at me asking me when are you gonna do something about it???? i just say that i don't know.....however i will make an attempt to complete some of those scheduled task asap....logging off for the moment............ciao......

really its too hard to write a blog........... u can sit all day and procrastinate but when it comes to put words on paper you go blank...... right now i am sitting here for the past 3o mins and havent been able to write something.......waste of time..............